2020 has been a year where many of us realized that our hopes, dreams and plans may not be perfectly executed according to our timetable and freedom desired. Some of us older folks have lived long enough to know this to be the case without a reminder from the kind of year 2020 has been. Many are seeking a way forward through financial pain, relational pain and battling personal demons. The support to manage these tensions have not exactly been stellar. With closed churches, social distancing, limited group sizes, faces being covered, many sports being canceled or dramatically altered and social services impacted, we all have been affected.
Paula Abdul has taken a hammer to the nail of 2020, “I take 2 steps forward, I take 2 steps back”.
Enter rest and clarity through a fairly unknown and contrarian source: the shortest book in the Bible, Philemon. This book appears on face to be a distraction to progress. It looks to direct us in a manner opposite to just about all prevailing wisdom on progress and reaching our goals, or so it seems. Over 30 years of actively participating in local churches, reading dozens of leadership books and 19 years of owning a business have not exactly been kind to making it obvious to me in learning the deeper lessons Philemon has to offer; or it just took me this long to get it. In this year of Covid-Chaos and all of the challenges 2020 brings, I submit graciously for your consideration 3 key lessons that can posture you towards rest and peace as you build a ‘better you’ and ‘better tomorrow’.
The main point: The book of Philemon makes an argument that progress towards the big goal was futile without first going backwards….taking many steps backwards…to right a wronged relationship. The contrarian view is that pausing the “big goal” to go back and make a relationship right, is actually a HUGE deal and essential for progress on towards your big goals.
Recapping Philemon with Coles notes: key players, core concepts.
Paul (who wrote 2/3 of the New Testament) was a brilliant Pharisee, turned Apostle who was called to preach the gospel to the non Jews (Gentiles).
Paul was writing (in large part) a letter to his friend, Philemon (a fellow Christ follower) who also was a slave owner (Philemon or scripture does not defend slave ownership). Paul, from Rome during his imprisonment was writing to his friend in Colossae (a 500 hour walk according on google maps!) named Philemon on the subject of an escaped salve named Onesimus (whose name means profitable, ironically enough) who Paul led to Christ (begotten while in my chains). Basically, Onesimus escaped from his master Philemon and fled to Rome. This slave met up with Paul and became ‘profitable’ to Paul. Paul had goals and a mission to accomplish and Onesimus was profitable to the accomplishment of Paul’s goals (My son Onesimus who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and me). Paul stated that he wants to keep the profitable Onesimus for the “big goal” of ministering the gospel by working with him in Rome. However, Paul instructs Onesimus to travel back to Colossae and is asking for Philemon to receive him NOT as a runaway slave deserving of death (allowable punishment in those times for taking off on your owner) but a brother in Christ. Furthermore, Paul pleads with Philemon saying, “If he has wronged you or owes anything put that on my account”. Paul asked Philemon to do these things and more and finally to anticipate Paul’s return to stay with Philemon.
3 ways the book of Philemon can bring peace and progress to a chaotic year:
1. Taking a “step backwards” form our goals and aspirations to fight for a wronged relationship is incredibly helpful to our long term goals, despite how we may think or feel at the time. Paul is no fool. Paul knows his VERY long term goal of preaching the Gospel would ultimately be aided by directing Onesimus back to his slave owner, not hindered. Paul makes it clear Onesimus was profitable to him by helping Paul with the goal he had in Rome. Often times we see and feel with great knowledge and intimacy our hurt, pain an injustices done against us either by people or circumstances. We have all be wounded and wronged. When we are struggling to reach our goals, the last thing we want to do is go back to a place of hurt and pain in a strained relationship (to those who we believe wronged us) and fight for the relationship. Often, we would much rather avoid the pain and focus on other healthy goals. The book of Philemon turns that concept on its head. Striving to reconcile relationships is often precisely what brings healing, wholeness and a strong foundation to any of our future goals being met. When you pause a goal to “go backwards” for reconciling a relationship, you are laying the foundation for advancing any goal you may have, however seemingly unimportant that strained relationship matters to your goals. God cares about you reaching your goals, but he also cares about the condition of our heart towards others as we progress. Covid has slammed many of our goals to a grinding halt. Consider that we use this time to “step backwards” and try to reconcile any relationship that may be strained. Use wisdom/discretion/support and be safe, but where can an effort be made to add to your wholeness and the other party? Just imagine the thoughts during the 500 hour walk Onesimus must have had. Lot's of time to reflect and prepare to make things right! Trusting God and Philemon were on the same page regarding reconciliation was a life or death matter for a run-away slave seemly compelled by God’s love to return back to his slave owner. Paul walked Onesimus back to Philemon to sort conflict out…and improve the relationship as MORE essential then Onesimus writing off the relationship and continuing to help Paul reach his pretty big goal. Wow.
2. The more unearned favor that we receive (Christian term for this is Grace), the more we can extend undeserved favor to those who hurt us. After Paul’s greeting, he starts the letter with “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ”. Paul knew that if Philemon was going to extend grace (undeserved favor) to Onesimus, Philemon himself must receive Grace from God! Paul’s ask to Philemon of forgiving the run away slave and treating him as a brother was only possible if Philemon lovingly gave Onesimus what he did NOT deserve: unearned favor. May you know that God desires to give you much favor and kindness that you did not deserve! With that favor you are empowered to show others favor they do not deserve. This is hard. When I am hurt, I often want to highlight the hurt and pain and really let the other person know just how badly they acted. Grace does a remarkable thing! Grace absorbs the wrongs and comes back with love and kindness! Recall what Paul says, to Philemon “But if he has wronged you…put that on my account”. Basically, Paul is saying to his friend Philemon, “If you cannot forgive him and treat him as a brother, put his wrongs on my account and kill me, not the runaway slave” (Paul even offered Philemon that chance when Paul said he would be coming for a visit!). Wow. Taking the slings and arrows from others, and coming back with favor and love often pushes you towards your key goals in life (today, I would certainly be clear: abuse or crimes are not a part of the arrows and slings to take!). Paul knew the big goal was sharing the Gospel of Grace and Paul sent Onesimus on a 500 hour journey back to his former slave owner to hopefully practice the very message Paul is preaching: extend unearned favor one to another and then truly we can move forward with our big goals. We see that Paul wanted Onesimus to return and Paul also wanted to continue the relationship with Philemon: God deeply cares about relationships. Regardless if you consider yourself a Christian, you can ask God for unearned, unmerited favor and trust that God will help you extend that favor you receive, to others: for their benefit, and yours. When Covid jam’s our goals, just consider that we are moving our lives forward, by going back and extending favor to others, especially when they do not deserve it. Covid is giving us a window to “pause progress” of our goals and perhaps consider wronged relationships that must be reconciled.
3. Our idea of progress is often limited to our mind, will, emotions and dreams. Sometimes circumstances crashing and burning are open doors to bigger plans eternally beyond our tiny minds. Perhaps you can see how bizarre to the natural mind it is to willingly endeavor a 500 hour walk back to near imminent death, but for God. I grew up thinking Paul was insane for sending a valuable asset to likely get killed! Conventional wisdom says, “take your losses with the slave owner (he was likely an a**...) you bolted from and accept you traveled 500 hours to ‘start fresh’.” Covid has given many the chance to pause their goals and plans. Perhaps there is an invitation to travel back to try to reconcile any strained relationships. If the other person does not deserve your time and effort, then they are a candidate for your favor, that they do not deserve. The door is open to both receive God’s favor you do not deserve and extend that unmerited favor to the person you are claiming also does not deserve favor. Hey, none of us are prefect and we could all use more favor, especially undeserved.
Perhaps in God’s infinite wisdom, there is something “Onesimus” about traveling back, to right a strained relationships beyond what we see, feel and think in the short term that is more valuable the the imminence and importance of the goal you are persuing. May your plans prosper as you seek to reconcile relationships, figure out Covid and receive much favor you did not deserve. Peace to you as we agree and ponder on how 2020 could see a lot more favor.
